the condom got lost in my hair
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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