What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
