I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
