i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
