At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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