I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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