I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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