You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The power of my boobs compel you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
