When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think your dad took our porno
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
