Don't make out with my wife yet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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