I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so let's talk penis.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
