1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
