i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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