She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
