Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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