i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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