is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
