im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
