At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
