I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
