I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
