it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
