When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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