Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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