are you so shy because you have an std?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize