he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
