i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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