i barfeds in our rink
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
