the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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