So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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