apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Four minutes until I can fart!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
