first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
