Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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