i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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