her vagine was all disorganized.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
