And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize