I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
