why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
