I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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