just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
