How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize