Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
home. puking in laundry basket.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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