I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My vagina just clenched in fear
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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