I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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