No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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