sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
