yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
