Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
