There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
