I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
