Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize