You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
