apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
