the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize