I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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