If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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