There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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