Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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