you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
