I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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