Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
