"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
