I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
