I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
