the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
