he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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