pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
