Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
