The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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