btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
