Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize