Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
