Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
