the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Can Purell be used as lube?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
