just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
