i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
