So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
