i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
