it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
