In the future we'll all be gay
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
