I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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