I just pynch a tree in the face
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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