my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Mom said you looked used
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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